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She is in Pain and Fighting a Hard Battle

This is an unusual story. It deviates from the career and job search articles I normally write, but life happens. It will cause you to pause and reflect on some of what could be going on in the lives of some of the people around us.

I had just dropped my husband off at the train station for a trip into Toronto. On my return I stopped at the grocery store for one item. I didn’t need a flyer, but it’s customary for me to pick one up as I am entering the store. The flyer stand was empty, but I saw one tucked far inside a shopping cart, requiring me to put in the quarter to retrieve it. I went straight to pick up the item I needed, but it was sold out. You are now wondering where I am going with all this detail, but bear with me.

Since I didn’t find what I went for, I decided to flip through the pages of the flyer anyway to see what else I could purchase. As I got to the back page I saw this handwritten message:

“God brought me into this world as everyone else. What’s my mistake in it? How am I supposed to be blamed for this? I have kids. I want to live for them; watch them grow into good human beings. I am really sorry if God made a mistake by bringing me into this world. What’s my mistake where no one loves me!!

My existence doesn’t affect[s] anyone!!

Life is like an extra baggage!! Fed up of it since last 12 years. I want to be loved by someone. Don’t I deserve to be loved!!

What’s the point of living!!

My In-laws hate[s] me!!

My husband hates me!!

I hate myself!! I hate myself!!”

Holy! My head started spinning as I re-read the note. I paid for the items and left. As I entered my vehicle, I thought of the pain that that woman was (and is) going through, wondered where she was at that moment, and said a prayer for her. This popular quote: “Be Kind; Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle”, kept going through my mind. Wouldn’t a kind word or a shoulder to cry on have eased her pain that day?

We interact with people every day: at work, on the train, in the mall, at the grocery store, and at home. Some have smiles on their faces; others don’t, yet we are not always aware of what’s going on in their lives.

As a career coach, I collaborate with people facing career and job search challenges, whether it is a resume that isn’t communicating value; difficulty landing a job after several interviews; lack of career progression in the organization, or someone who is stuck, confused and, yes, fed up.

I have also had individuals contacting me for job search services, but early into the conversation we both discover they are dealing with issues that need to be resolved before we proceed. While not often, there have been cases where the issues are far outside my professional competence. In such cases I would refer the individual to a therapist or mental health professional trained to handle such matters.

In instances where the problem is not as extreme, we will work on them. Sometimes it’s a self-esteem issue because they feel they are not good enough. One woman actually told me she felt she was suffering from Imposter Syndrome. At other times, someone’s confidence has been shaken because they are not nailing the interview and keeps missing out on job opportunities. These individuals begin to second guess themselves:

  • “Why me?”
  • “Why did my last assignment end within three months, instead of the six they had promised?”
  • “Why am I not getting the jobs even after so many interviews? Could it be they didn’t like me, or was I not a good fit?”
  • “How come I was acting in the position for more than a year, and they hired someone else?”

These are real life battles and a lot of baggage for some people to carry. How can we help? Or, how about you? Do you see yourself in any of the above scenarios? Are you feeling stressed and overwhelmed? Are you having thoughts like the woman who wrote that note? If the latter, seek professional help, starting with your company’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP), if there is one. If not, find someone you can talk to, or search for local organizations that offer counselling support.

By this I hope you now understand why this article did not focus on the job search or resume writing, and why I went into details at the beginning. There was probably a reason I went to great lengths to get the flyer even though I didn’t need it. I could’ve walked straight in the grocery store, picked up the item and left. But, probably it was to give me something else to write about outside my usual career topics. I don’t know.

Life happens outside of our jobs and careers. Sometimes we need to pause from our own busyness, or a focus on self, and become aware of what could be happening to people around us, and even those we don’t know.

That woman who told her story on that supermarket flyer was crying out and sharing her pain. She could be a family member, a coworker, a neighbour, or friend. We don’t know. What we do know is that we need to help carry one another’s burdens. Sometimes it’s as simple as a short conversation, a listening ear, zipping our lips before a hurtful word escapes, or taking the time to be kind. Kindness doesn’t cost anything.

A lot of anxiety and stress happens at the workplace. Considering many people spend many hours of each day in that space, it would be a great place to start being empathetic. The next time you are tempted to criticize someone, turn that criticism into kindness. Just think that this person could be having an ‘iceberg’ moment; a lot more going on beneath the surface. If a coworker snaps at you, invite them for coffee and listen, even in silence, or let them guide the conversation. If you are a manager and feel the urge to call out a staff member because they didn’t meet your expectation, turn the moment into a coachable one. Ask them a few questions and listen attentively to their responses:

  1. What is your dream?
  2. What motivates you?
  3. What would make your role in this department/company more fulfilling?
  4. Do you think you are currently performing up to your potential? Why or why not?
  5. What does success mean for you? What would a successful life look and feel like?
  6. If you could have anything in the world what would it be?
  7. What do you want the rest of your life to be about?
  8. Are you feeling overwhelmed? How do you release stress?
  9. What do you do to look after yourself on a regular basis?
  10. How do you enjoy yourself?

You might not have to ask or get an answer to all the questions, but that’s not the point. You shifted gears and took the time to make a difference in that person’s life.

On a scale of 1-10, life is not a perfect circle. There are ups and downs. If you are at a point where you want to take stock of your life or career, why not sit with a notepad in a quiet place and take a look at your life to determine what could be contributing to or impeding your progress or overall happiness? Find out what’s working in your family, job, career, friendships, finance, health, etc. and what’s not working. Rank them on a scale of 1-10. If they are low in most areas, it’s time to reach out for help from a trusted friend or a coach.

If you would like a free copy of an assessment tool – Brighten Up Your Life – which will indicate what a happy, satisfying life might look like for you in several areas, send me an email at daisy[at]thewrightcareer.com, and I will gladly make it available to you. (This tool will only work if you are committed to using it.)

In the meantime, take care of yourself and be kind to everyone you meet. They might just be fighting a very hard battle.

Need a quick chat about your career or job search? Give me a call pronto!

7 Better Things to Do on the Drive to Your Interview Than Stress

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[Article contributed by Millenial Career Expert Sarah Landrum]

Your big interview is close; anxiety is setting in, and you know that by the time you are ready to make the commute to the interview, you’ll be one giant ball of stress. To make matters worse, you will be driving to the interview, and when under pressure, driving isn’t the most fun. Here are seven things you can do during the drive to your interview to lessen your stress.

  1. Crank Up the AC: Stress has a way of fogging up our brains, making articulating what we’re thinking difficult. If you’re feeling groggy or sluggish, roll down the windows or crank up the air conditioning in your car, even if it’s a chilly day. With some fresh air hitting your face, you’ll liven up in no time and be able to think more clearly. An additional advantage is if you’re prone to sweating is that the cold air will work to calm your nerves.
  1. Listen to Some Music: Whether you’re feeling excited, overwhelmed, stressed or all of the above before the big job interview, music can lower stress levels immensely. The week of your interview, take the time to create a playlist with songs to calm you down and an upbeat one to get you pumped up. If you’re not into music, you can still take your mind off the interview. There are various podcasts you can listen to, including ones covering pop culture, food and other lighthearted topics. Depending on your mood while driving to the interview, you’ll have plenty of options for your listening pleasure.
  1. Snack Smartly: Before your interview, your stomach may feel like it’s in knots and it might be hard to eat. However, nothing is worse than being in the middle of a sentence with your future boss, only to be interrupted by your stomach gurgling its displeasure at finding itself on empty. Prior to your interview, find a healthy snack that won’t be messy and isn’t going to make your breath putrid. Fresh veggies, a protein-packed smoothie or a scone or muffin will work perfectly. Snacking smartly can help to wake you up and give your brain the fuel it needs to ace the interview. Just make sure it ends up in your stomach and not down the front of your suit or blouse. It may be best to pack another shirt just in case.
  1. Go Zen: You might be lucky enough to have a yoga session right before your interview to release some stress, but why not bring the good vibes of the studio with you? With some essential oil room spray, relaxing music and a positive mantra to repeat to yourself, you can focus on the drive while melting away stress. By the time you arrive at your interview, you’ll feel refreshed and have a positive outlook for your potential new employer.
  1. Get a Massage: Tell stress to take a hike by getting your own personal massage as you drive. Old massaging cushions required a wall outlet to power them, but now, your car’s 12v charger will do just fine with various massager models. There are various types of car cushion massagers available, so do your research to find the best one for you and your budget.
  1. Practice Your Smile and Posture: Driving can be tough on your back depending on how far you’re traveling, and even with a car cushion massager, you may start to feel anxious just because you’re stuck and can’t burn the nervous energy off. The good news is you can practice good posture and a warm smile anywhere. According to a recent study, candidates who smiled less were deemed more favorable for jobs considered to be serious and professional. However, candidates who smiled at the beginning and end of the interview faired better than candidates who smiled throughout the entire interview. So practice those award-winning smiles for when you first arrive and when you leave.

Great posture – shoulders down, head up, and back – work for any type of job interview and shows you are confident, poised and ready to address anything that comes your way. Let your body language reflect your attitude about the job.

  1. Check Your Face and Breath: Stuck at what seems to be an extra long red light with only a mile or two to go? Take the time to flip down your mirror and give those pearly whites a once over. If you were snacking in the car, this part is especially important before you make your way into the interview. Having chia seeds from your smoothie stuck in your teeth won’t really win you any points. Make sure if you’re wearing makeup that nothing is smeared, and check your hair, especially if the windows were down or the AC was cranked up. Your looks will make the first impression, so ensure your looks are wow-worthy in a professional way.

A certain degree of stress is normal. It pumps up the adrenaline and allows you to be more focused, so don’t allow it to derail your chances of doing well in the interview. Recognize the stress for what it’s worth, then start focusing on success strategies to ace your interview.

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Contributed by Sarah Landrum, a freelance writer and millennial career expert. Her blog, Punched Clocks, is all about finding happiness and success in your life and career.

 

Worry is a Total Waste of Time! [Monday Rx]

“Worry is a total waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. All it does is steal your joy and keeps you busy doing nothing.” ~Unknown

Ouch! Seems like a callous way to look at a serious matter! But, it’s the truth. Worrying about a situation doesn’t change anything.

Did you get up this Monday morning worried about something? Are you a ‘serial worrier’ – the ones who worry even when they don’t have anything to worry about. I hope not.

This edition of the Monday Rx is not an attempt to trivialize a genuine concern, but to put things into perspective. After all, we can’t be productive at work or in our personal lives if we are constantly worried. Here are three questions to ask yourself right now about your worries:

  • What can I do about it?
  • Who can I turn to for help?
  • What’s the worst thing that could happen if I do nothing?

Once you have an answer, write it down, then prepare to take action. Worry is only helpful if it propels us to action.

And to give you a positive perspective, here are some quotes that are worth worrying about:

“I don’t have time to do all the things I can do, so it doesn’t seem important to worry about the things I can’t do.” ~ Dr. Stephen Hawking

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” ~ Buddha

“Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its trouble; It empties today of its strength.” Anonymous

This is your Monday Rx! Have a great week!

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Image courtesy of Free Digital Photos

Monday Morning Rx: Let the Sunshine In

 

On Monday May 3, 2010, I began sending out short messages of encouragement to my newsletter subscriber list. After a few months, other things got in the way, and I stopped. Last week I decided it was time to restart the process via this blog. My first Monday Morning Rx note said:

Monday mornings can be a tough time for some people. Just the thought of going out to work, probably to a job they no longer enjoy or a boss or coworker they don’t get on with. Or, it could be someone who has been unsuccessful with their job search and just can’t face another week. Whatever the reason, some people just dread Mondays. As a matter of fact, Sunday nights can be quite stressful for some, just thinking about the next day.

If any of this resonates with you, don’t worry. I have a prescription for you – the Monday Morning Rx. Starting today, and each Monday, I will be sending messages of encouragement taken from various sources to help you get over ‘blue Mondays’ and start your work week on a positive note.”

So, after more than a year, I will begin my Monday morning messages again. Today’s has been adapted from The Path to Positive Thinking is Paved With Positive Thinking by Wally Amos.

Let the Sunshine In

Are you the kind of person who lets rainy days and Mondays get you down?…If the sky is black and the rain won’t stop, grab a philosophical umbrella and let the sun figuratively shine in.  You can shop if you like to shop, spend time with friends who are fun to be with, or curl up with a good book.  Whatever you do, if you do it with a sunny attitude inside, you can beat the weather outside.  You’ll suffer from JOY instead of SAD. Joy comes from within. (Excerpted from Wally Amos’ The Path to Success is Paved with Positive Thinking).

“Stay out of yesterday, wait for tomorrow, and live in the present.”

 

Have a great day. It’s yours to enjoy!